How We Met (by Robbie)

Attalia met me through use of a matchmaker (kudos to our matchmaker, Regina, and Tawkify). For those of you who are not well-versed in the Tawkify approach to dating, this was essentially as blind of a first date as you can get in the era of social media. Neither of us received a picture of the other before meeting, and the sole evaluator of our compatibility was Regina until our first date. That first date was also orchestrated by Tawkify, and was set in a “lovely” restaurant located above a healthy-ish grocery store in Castro Valley. After the initial guessing game of trying to figure out if each of us were who the other was there to meet, I felt an almost immediate sense of comfort and connection and could see myself dating her, though obviously at that time I did not know how deep that would be.

How We Met (by Attalia)

My first thought was “oh, fresh face!” In the bay area I was so used to seeing beards (but prefer clean shaven). Within five minutes he had dropped three F-bombs and I completely relaxed, knowing I could be myself. In two hours we had covered topics that you typically don’t get to until date five or more and aligned on a lot of core values. I invited him to my house to help decorate my Christmas tree (“This is NOT a euphemism for sex, I actually mean just decorate my Christmas tree.” Cue, a Robbie smirk.). He met Mizz Lady, who adores him, and did a great job of hanging ornaments…and we’ve been together ever since. 

When We Knew (by Robbie)

We had been dating a touch shy of six months, and had traveled to Puerto Rico, our second major trip, for Shaye and Peter's wedding (which was beautiful). Over the prior two months, we had already been casually (read: not too casually) perusing houses to purchase together, which I suppose would denote a significant level of interest in living together. That being said, it was really on that trip that a flip was switched from "well we are dating seriously and in our mid-30s so looking at houses is a reasonable step" to "Attalia is my life partner and I am so lucky to have found her and I need to propose to her (ideally quickly).”

When We Knew (by Attalia)

Robbie was in constant contact from day 1; he already set up second date plans before leaving the first date and we face-timed every day the first few weeks (actually, we face-timed almost daily until I moved in!). He dropped an L bomb on the dance floor in Mexico at a friend’s wedding in February, but it was official at another friend’s wedding in Puerto Rico in May. After a whirlwind few days of Maid of Honor duties we were about to pass out after the wedding (a solid 5am, go us!). He pulled me in close and told me the thought, “I love you” crossed his mind earlier in the night and he wanted to share it with me. I was finally able to let loose the words that had been rooted firmly to the tip of my tongue for a while. I love Robbie’s sarcastic humor, fierce adherence to his health regime, and the way his inner teenage girl shines when Taylor Swift comes on (complete with dancing and sing-alongs).

While we have faced some really hard moments - me losing half my eggs in an egg freezing round the first month we were dating, a close family member of his passing, me getting laid off and interviewing nonstop for four months - we have learned to lean into each other. The moment that made it clear without a shadow of a doubt that Robbie isn’t just a man I adore but is The One for me was how safe and grounded I felt during our house buying process. A few weeks after Puerto Rico we vacillated on a charming Monte Sereno house on an acre within walking distance of downtown Los Gatos. Robbie got caught on the value of the property and I was stuck on how much heavy lifting it needed. Finally we decided that we should divide and conquer yet play to our strengths; Robbie took the financial aspect and deduced what our line in the sand would be, and I called structural engineers and architects to get verbal cost estimates and see if what we wanted to accomplish with the home was feasible. During this stressful time I was relatively relaxed…I realized that I trusted Robbie and could lean on him as a true partner.
To be fair, while this seems very quick and fairytale-esque the reality is that we both came into this relationship having done a lot of hard personal development work prior. We both knew exactly what we were looking for. As we began our journey together I told him from the beginning that I had made space for love in my life. He walked into that space and love grew, we didn’t “fall” in love - we are building it, purposely with intention and care.

The Proposal (by Robbie)

 Attalia likes what she likes, so naturally this extends to her engagement ring. (If you are reading this website, this is likely not news to you.) She had a very distinct idea of what she wanted her engagement ring to look like, and fortunately, also had an excellent jeweler friend, Kate Reboli (shout-out to Kate’s work as impeccable), to whom she could explain exactly what she wanted. Obviously, this process, while ensuring the ring was exactly what she wanted to wear for the rest of her life, did significantly impact the element of surprise, as she knew exactly when I got the ring. We (read Attalia and my sister, Maggie) had also conveniently already booked a lengthy trip to Europe, so this made for the perfect opportunity to propose, but, as luck would have it, we could not get insurance on the ring before leaving for Europe, so the safest place for it was on her finger at all times. This made the element of surprise even more difficult. However, in my favor, we were again, in Europe, my sister was traveling with us, and we had already set up a photographer for “Save the Date” photos in Portugal. Having a general feeling that we should probably formally be engaged for the photos that we planned to use to inform everyone of our engagement and wedding, a proposal before or at these pictures was logical. As luck would have it, it rained just about every day prior to that day on our trip, but we were blessed with some sunshine for the photographs. I told Maggie I would be proposing towards the end of the photography session, just in case it interrupted any other plans the photographer may have had for us. So we go through a number of photos, the sunlight is perfect, and finally the photographer suggested that we get some solo pictures, indicating the couple session was over. I shared a look with Maggie to let her know to be ready to record, and aggressive rain immediately started to fall, because of course it did. We initially tried waiting it out under an umbrella and trees, as well as a scarf for Attalia’s hair to protect it, but the rain was unrelenting. So, as we huddled underneath a Portuguese fig tree that a gaggle, or rafter, of turkeys had just left, I told Attalia that I was going to need the ring back and got down on one knee and proposed. I am pretty sure her first response was “You ass” as I don’t know if she thought I was serious, but the second one was “Yes, obviously” so I took that one and put the ring back on her finger. 

The Proposal (by Attalia)

I joke that we got engaged when we started making offers on houses because it was an inevitable part of the discussion (and anyone who’s familiar with Bay Area real estate knows what I mean). It was “signed, sealed, delivered” when we inked our signatures on our mortgage paperwork.

Both of our rings actually came within an hour of each other via FedEx, each of us slipping the ring on each other’s finger before we set off for a family evening in Aptos.

As for the proposal in Portugal - I believe the first thing I said (after he said, “I’m gonna need that ring back, cutie”) was a startled “NOW?!” ….followed by “you ass.” ….followed by “duh” and “yes, obviously.”